Monday, 29 September 2014

The New Improved Ten Commandments


1 I am the Lord Thy God and Mine Name is Louis.

2 Thou shalt not take the name of Wayne Rooney or Johnny Evans in vain or say Manchester United are shite and deranged.

3 Thou shalt cherish the Swamp and its cup schemes and keep it full of glory fixated clowns and sociopaths always.

4 Thou shalt honour thy cheating bastard referees who give Manchester United loads of penalties and their opponents none at all. Thou shalt not blow the final whistle unless Manchester United are winning.

5 Thou shall not kill/murder Manchester United, especially if thine name is MK Dons.

6 Thou shalt not commit goals against Manchester United unless they are consolation ones with no meaning.

7 Thou shall not steal the trophies that are the sole and rightful property of Manchester United. Nor shalt thou ever sign for Manchester United for anything other than footballing reasons and thou shalt draw no salary at any time whilst playing for the Lord Thy God's own football club.

8 Thou shalt not bear false witness except when playing for Manchester United, in which case thou shalt dive thine very knickers off whenever the opportunity presents and always be lauded and rewarded in so doing.

9 Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's silverware; nor anything else that belongs to thine neighbour for as long as thine neighbour is Manchester United.

10 Thou shalt never slag Manchester United off for spending squillions on people who all wear figurative number ten on the backs of their shirts. Nor shalt thou ever apply the Financial Fair Play Rules to the Chosen Ones, AND nor to Real Madrid for that matter.

Kind Regards ... and please don't make me bring forth the Tribulations earlier than scheduled by ignoring the above commandments for should any of you do so, the living shalt envy the dead.

Signed: The Lord Thy God

September 2014