Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Civil War and Football Forums


Anyone reading some of the other shite on this blog might have guessed by now that I am a bit of a City fan. I'm a season ticket holder of a million years standing,  plus a frequent poster on the biggest and best of our fan forums, Blue Moon. I am also an occasional visitor to non-City sites, whenever there is gloating to be done. I've noticed that all these forums have this weird thing in common and it's this; fans of the same club reserve the most bitter of their vitriol, bile and loathing for each other. We are nastier to the fans of our own club than we are to anybody else's. The cyber beat downs, death threats and blood baths have to be read to be believed. It is bizarre. Here is an example:-

FAN 1I am the biggest City fan in the Universe. I have been supporting City since before those stupid fat bastards the dinosaurs began to roam the earth. The rest of you are shit and don't even support City. You are all closet rags and in denial about this. I hate you ALL for the idiotic virus spreaders you are.

FAN 2 OMFG and WTF on a very big stick?!  You are a stupid bastard. I will pull your hair and kill you. We all know you secretly want City to lose every week and ever since we started winning, you have wanted out. You yearn to be a swamp dwelling plastic scummer from over the road because you like losing. Bastard, bastard, bastard. You only ever post on here when we lose. The fact that we are Champions of England is breaking your heart. You'd better not come on here tonight masterbating if we don't beat Roma.

FAN 1:  Do you ever even bathe, you utter twunt?  I will trash the head of your pet cat. You are sperm of hippopotamus. I strongly urge you to drop dead without further delay.

FAN 2:  Oh go and smoke some more crack before you give yourself a MASSIVE cranial event .... oh but sorry, my bad, you've already had one of those.

FAN 1:  You have a fetish for cobble-stone roads. You love such roads more than you love City. You are dead to me. You celebrate madly and have sex with yourself every time United win a game.

FAN 2: Mods!!!!!! Mods!!!!!! When are you going to call the police on this bastard, you utter slackers? People get sent to prison for this sort of talk. 

MOD 1:  Do you two want your one and a half moronic heads banging together? I am the gatekeeper and I say STFU right now or you are barred and will burn in hell, the pair of you. What say you to THAT, you demented fornicators?!!

FAN 2. STFU yourself, MOD 1. Everyone knows you're a Tranmere Rovers  fan. Fuck off to Merseyside  and stop with the power tripping fest. You are fascist-features. Combust spontaneously, please, and right quick. You wouldn't know a true City fan if she farted in your face and set fire to your head. You are trolling vomit of ancient mongrel dog. You dare not bar me from these forums because I am the only reason anyone comes here in the first place.

FAN 1  That's rich coming from you, FAN 2, considering you can't even spel!!!!!  If we lose to fucking Roma tonight, it will be your folt.  I will ram-raid your house with a stolen juggernaut, if this hapens.

FAN 2 You and who's armoured tank?! Why don't you come here and say that?  I will order you a bouncy castle and 27 chinese take-aways tonight. Your doorbell will not stop ringing until well into the early hours of tomorrow morning. You are more obnoxious than United which, as we  all agree, is actually impossible.

MOD 2 This is just to let you know that following the mindless and sinister attack on MOD 1 a few posts ago, the elders have been alerted. 

FAN 1  Do one, MOD 2.  I bet if I asked you the result of City's last game, you couldn't tell me it. You are only here to moderate. You are intoxicated by  the power this gives you. Your real sporting preference is egg chasing and you live in Wigan. Everyone knows this and would say so behind your back were it not for the fact that you are always rooting around other people's Private Messages and would find out that people think you are a Stalinist dickweed.

FAN 2 I bet you any money that FAN 1 is a full kit wanker. Why doesn't he tell us the precise date his one and only brain cell died of loneliness? 

FAN 1 How would you know how many brain cells I have when you can't even count?  Also, you think City's home shirt is yellow. That's how much you know.

FAN 2 You are gay and fancy Alex Fergiescum and whilst there's nothing wrong with being gay, there is certainly something a-fucking-miss with people who fancy Fergiescum.  You can't even read.

FAN 1 No,it's you who can't even read.

MOD 1 Fuck off. Neither of you can read. This thread is locked and everyone is banned.

Contrived by Mrs I Liesalot

September 2014