I have to update this now because whinger has signed Danny Welbeck and he played dead, dead good against Norway last night. However, I put it to Mr Arsene Whinge-A-Lot that he may as well have signed a new tea lady and kitman for all the good it would do.
Sign a worldy striker, Wenger
It is transfer day and Arsene Wenger gives not a gerbil shite. He will sign no twant. I will support Spurs at this rate. What will Arsene say if that happens? I don't care if he won the Feck All Cup last season against the combined might of Yorkshire and Tom Huddlestone. Sign Falcao and Cavani by 11pm tonight, u clown. Who was that bastard Sanogo yesterday? Just because he is call Yaya doesn't mean he is capable of scoring a goal. He couldn't score against a team of 11 packets of crisps. I have never heard of him. No fornicator has. How can he score any goals when he has been tapped up by Burger King anyway and will be moving to their Sunday league team by the end of the year?. This has turned the player's head, understandably. He will go on strike if we don't let him go in the January window. Meanwhile, Arsene has been out shopping without a trolley again at Aldi. Then he was seen rummaging through the bargain bins at the Pound Shop. Why can't he be stopped, the utter bastard. Why?
We will lose to the twunts Chelsea and the double twunt, Spurs. We won't hear the end of that, either.I emailed the bastard Wenger and said.said F.U., you tight-fisted toilet-head. United will beat us again, even though that scum can only beat opponents who have a minimum of six arse-hats donkeys in their starting 11. The Manc dung-beetles will finish higher than us and they will score load against us with their new 1-1-8 formation starring Falcao, Mata, Rooney and other assorted twats. 0-8 is on the cards there. Embarrassing.
Where is Cesc Fabregas? We had first refusal, you idiot. What have you done with the club's money? We' d better not find out that you used it all to pay for a new dishwasher and building a conservatory at home We will come outside your house with pitchforks if this is true.
I heard you are saying that you can't find any miraculous strikers, boo-hoo. Go to Lourdes, then, you clown. Why did you tell all us fans to f**k off and accuse us of believing in the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. Its you that needs to f**k off. I went to two games in 2002 and I therefore pay your wages. I am not happy. Our fans have turned into feuding interbred ferrets because of you, and the Spurs scum are in stitches even if they did just get twatted by a load of useless Scouse candle-wavers.
Why don't you sign Bony from Swansea? Is it because he is called Wilfred? Are you now basing your recruitment policy on whether you like or don't like player's christian names. Yaya good, Wilfred bad? This would not surprise, since you have shown yourself to have the footballing judgement of a senile antelope. Podolsky, Ashavin, Sanchez, and that Ozil person illustrates as much.
I can't believe they used to call you the professor. Just because you used to wear glasses, this does not make you less of a half-wit. What if we can't even get 40 points by May, you bastard-arsed jester? What good will the Champions League be to us if we get relegated? You won't be satisfied until we are playing Port Vale and Accrington Stanley in league games. Then what?
I can't talk about this any more. I am distraught and on hunger strike until this is sorted.
Mr Wekbeck Not the Answer. Why else would everyone refer to him as "Wellshit)