THESE ARE ALL TWATS
LVG
Why you no win football match? You said Tia Maria was worth £600M.
Did you mean the drinks company? I buy shirt. I took it off and
stabbed holes in it. Why our new manger never get off his big, fat
arse all day? His head weighs too much. Is that why? Why he make
Wayne Rooney captain, bastard-face? Wayne can't even have proper
hair. He has to take from back end of him glue it in. Why did
Antelope Head pick him and why he tell United to sack Moyes? Moyes
was better and looked like a goblin. Moyes was the Chosen One. Why
did we call Luke Shaw a fat, lazy twat? Now he's pretending to be
injured and eating crisps all day. Why we no stop the fat shitter
eating Mars Bars? We will be relegated. What then?
Ed
Woodward, why you pick half man half turtle for manager. Why? Were
you in the Equalizer and the Wicker man? Why you no stick to acting,
you groundhog day lover? Why u let Goblin sign a bog brush for
millions last year. He was from Everton. Why? Why you let Maureen
Moriniho rob United blind with a lazy Spanish bastard. Why does
wildebeest head not get rid of Phil Jones, when he looks like Stan
Laurel. He has six fingers and webs and came down from the
Appalachians. When are you going to sign Oliver Hardy? I am
embarrassed.
Why
all our players no good to look at. What about City? They are all
male models. Even Vincent Kompany. We have nobody who looks like
Sergio Aguero. Why? We used to have David Beckham and Lee Sharpe. I
don't believe it. Antelope head is jealous of good looking people. He
will only sign dogs. You have been warned.
Can
Antelope-head count? We never have enough players on the pitch. Why
you think he can count when his mother was a tortoise? United always
playing with only eight men and a bean pole. It looks like it,
anyway. If he is good manager, why can't he count to eleven? Why he
play Johnny Evans? Why he always writing, writing, writing. We no win
anyway, so he might as well be knitting and sewing. U are bastard,
Woodward. What about the Glaisers? Where are they from? Which garden
centre? The one from hell? F. U. How I go to work Monday morning now?
I have rung in sick twice already. Antelope head will get me out of a
job soon because of you. Why you no fire him? You are virus knickers.
I
will sue, you stupid idiot. Who the fuck are Burnley? I no hear of
them. What is Burnley? What pub do they turn out for? You fornicate
with bison. I am no more surprised by this than giant Turtle Neck
Features was surprised when we lost four in Milton Keynes. What about
that fat twat, Anderson? He has a girl's name and plays like one. He
is fatter than Luke Shaw. And why do we only buy injured players?
Why? Why did Ashley Young eat bird poo, as well? He is a better
shit-eater than he is a footballer.Is he LVG's son? He has tortoise
blood too. Do they share a mother?
Why
are we so boring? Fergie fell asleep. I wish I had as well. I should
have watched Little House on the Prairie or Motorway Cops today
instead of our game, like I originally planned to do. I wish I had
now. At least they're not as shit as United are. And what has
happened to bribing the refs like we always did? I hope your hair
bursts into flames, Woodward. You are cheap and a bastard-head. You
buy 1 legged footballers and pay too much. Why? Why are all our
shirts shit, as well? I preferred the tee-towels to what we have
this year. No wonder we no win. We are a crap team of fashion victims
because of you. Danny Wellshit's hair is worse than Raheem Sterling's
hair. Why does Antelope Head let him use curlers? We are a laughing
stock because of him. We better sell him before Monday and sign
Messi. Why we no sign Real Madrid's team like you said we would? F U.
You are just lying essence of toad turd. I bet you like Barry
Manilow.
Burnley
0 United 0. Die. Ed Woodward is aroused by the sight of dead sheep. I
hope his house falls down on his head. What he do now, to God's own
team, as if last year wasn't enough? We have two points. I will kill
someone. We are Man United. When we win football match?! When?! I
will not wash now in protest until we do. I want Ronaldo and Bale. I
don't want fucking Tom Cleverley, you Woodward douch-bag. Idiots. Why
we no hire Pep Gaurdiola? Why? I will not stand for it.Why
we no bring Bryan Robson out of retirement like Paul Scholes? I don't
know why not. We have 3 billion fans. We counted. So why we no sign
Gazza? Not even our tea lady is any good. Even our pigeons are a load
of shit. I don't care if I die in bed tonight.
Signed:
United are total shit. August
2014.
