Tuesday, 9 September 2014



Dear Idiot Husband

I am posting this to your Facebook page because after last night, I still can't bring myself to speak to you and because I know it will annoy you when I wash some dirty linen in public.

First things first. During our discussions yesterday, I at no time made any definitive claims that loads of canals have been found on Planet Mars and I certainly was not prompted to say this because I was PMT-ing, as you seemed to imply during the course of the conversation. And no I haven't been watching too much Doctor Who and Star Trek. You are a really stupid bastard if you think this. 

What I was actually trying to tell your ignorant arse-hat for a brain was that one of those pointless probes NASA sends up from time to time (even though people are starving, no less) had a camera in it and took photographs of things that looked like canals. Canals are man made, so this proves that's Mars was our first home. But then some catastrophic event befell it about a billion years ago, which caused half of the entire planet to explode to or at the very least, it caught on fire. Why else would the surface be all red ,moron?! 

Anyway, after this long-ago Mars holocaust, we all very likely decamped  to our newly adoptive planet (AKA the Earth), and this, of course is where most of us live now (though not you).  Alas, after arranging this move, we were killed off by a meteorite or an ice age or both, only to be reborn after the dinosaurs copped for it. This temporary extinction  is why we might not remember being from another planet in the first place. You might want to ask David Icke about this. In the meantime, read it and weep and be shot down and pissed on.

May I also add that I denounce your claim that there is any association between pre-menstrual cycles and what was being said about Mars yesterday evening. I do not claim to be an expert in these matters but if there are canals on the Red Planet, then we humans must have built them. They are not naturally occurring phenomenon, you crack-smoking turd of Neanderthal, are they?. Ignoramus much?!! You are worse than a Manchester United fan.

This is a brilliant example of the black pot twatting the black kettle because 


Secondly, I do not appreciate you telling your sneering brother about the canal conversation. What about that time that your brain dead bro said that the intestinal tract of any given budgerigar was so long, it could wrap one and a half times around the globe?  If you want stupid, then there's your stupid. Nothing more cretinous has ever been said in the history of the planet!!!!!.  Talk about the black pot twatting the black kettle.

So was it the male menopause that was making your brother believe all this bird shit stuff? Is this why he is confused as to his facts about our feathered brethren?!!! Because you damn well know how adamant he was about it. It allmost came to blows, ffs and would have done, if the white trash  hadn't passed out from the glue fumes he'd been sniffing before he could swing his first punch. As a matter of fact, (and you can deny this all you want), I seem to remember that you backed him up on the avian anatomy thing at first, otherwise why did you google it the next morning?  It took internet research for you to accept that budgies are  rather smaller than your idiot sibling originally hypothesized. People who live in glass houses and all that.

Your family are all the same. You have the brains of hedgehog lice. 


Your loving wife

September 2014