NB Someone has nicked my Tom Hanks post and I want it back as I fancy him. Now I have to tell him it's gone missing.The elders will hear of this.
Ta
1liesalot
Ta
1liesalot
AN OPEN LETTER TO MILEY CYRUS AND FRIENDS. (Brought to you from the Global Blogosphere)
If
someone can send an open letter of admonition to Gwyneth
Paltrow
(and someone famously did not too long ago), then I can write one
to Miley Cyrus, who is an even bigger stuck up cow than Paltrow is. I
would urge others to follow suit. A wave of pointless open letters to
celebrities could easily trend and might even become the natural
successor to the wretched ice bucket challenge, which has long since
passed its sell by date and is now making me want to kill myself. So without further ado, this is my contribution as a humble ex
fan of Miley. I do hope the silly cow reads it now after all this
effort and good faith on my part but we shall see.
Dear
Ms Cyrus and Pals
On
2nd
Mar 2012, you more or less tweeted this:-
“Every
atom in your body came from a star that exploded... It
really ... It
really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are
all stardust
and
Jesus is shit“.
|
I am writing to take (admittedly belated exception) to a tweet you posted two and a half years ago now regarding the origins of the human race. I have quoted the most incriminating excerpt in the box above.I would have objected sooner but I was so upset after reading your tweet that I haven't left my bed room in the two and a half years since you posted, or at lest not until now. You should know that this state of affairs is entirely your fault as both my illness and its consequences were brought on entirely by the distress and shock suffered by me in the aftermath of your comments about
the Christ Our Lord that fateful day . The exact date and time of it
is etched in my memory and it's still all there in black and white
and all over peoples MySpace pages too and Who Say Mag, so don't bother
saying you don't remember the incident and don't say it isn't topical
any more, either, because God is always topical , especially when
people like you start slagging Him off.How could you trash the Lord when he is your savior and only wants what's best for you, even though it might not look like that sometimes. I don't care what you say. God is love and I am gutted that you don't acknowledge this.
It
may have taken the best part of three years but I have steeled myself and today I managed to get out of bed and leave the bedroom. I am sitting in front of my computer in the lounge as I
write this. Its the first time I have been in this room for 27
months, (thanks to you), so its a big step and I must now build
momentum and escape the hell you have caused to me for so long. This
letter is the first step in what me and my psychiatrist hope will be
a cathartic process on the long and rocky road back to good mental
health. My psychiatrist says it will help me to get things off my
chest if I write to you and that's what I am doing. So even though I
could never forgive you, I still believe you owe me an explanation as
you were my (now ex) favourite celebrity of five years standing and
therefore we are practically married, albeit separated.
Firstly,
you have implied (and it may be its a little more than mere
implication) that as an individual, you would rather give thanks and
praise for our existence to a pile of dead planets in galaxies far
away than afford the Lord Thy God any credit in this regard You say
that this is because you believe we are all made of star-dust and God
is neither here nor there in terms of how the human race came into
existence and then evolved You do know this is blasphemous and you
will go to hell just for believing it, don't you? Not only that,
either, because your entire family will be taken out as well as all
your friends and everyone who has ever met you or passed you in the
street or shared a lift with your atheist arse. You will all
burn in hell, even the innocent, and this will be your fault
personally, not God's. God is vengeful but he is just. I suggest you
have your excuses ready for when your pals find out that you and you
alone are the reason they are burning in hell for all eternity and
all because you were too churlish to give God his due creduit.
You
should also note that as a result of your remarks of March 2012 there
is the the prospect of litigation. My lawyer tells me that because I
admired you and your opinions were important to me, the scale of the
personal let down I felt is legally actionable as I was entitled to
receive far better treatment than I got from you in spite of the fact
that we have never met and we don't exactly know each other. I fear
that with those few ill-chosen tweets you have ruined my life forever
and I will never truly be the same again. I think this is probably worth a
lot of money compensation wise and the necessary legal papers are
being drawn up as I write. You can tell your Hollywood friends not to
comment on this or come to your aid or else they too will be named
as co-respondents and sued silly for letting us all down and not
going to church even though as celebrities, they owe it to us to do so.
In the
meantime, I want to be clear about what we are actually saying here
just in case I have somehow mistook your meaning in some way. Please
clarify, therefore, whether it is your considered opinion that we
used to live in a galaxy far away but then our original home planets
all exploded and we therefore had to move to the galaxy down the
celestial road, as it were, and that's how we all ended up here? And
are you claiming that when our predecessors finally arrived on planet
earth, it was initially in the form of debris and detritus from
outer space(or star dust as you prefer to call it). Because if you
think this is true, then what you are really saying is that we are
all made of sad looking ash from burnt out planets light years away
and long since fucked and we might as well all kill ourselves., We
shouldn't be giving thanks and praise for this, should we? Or are
you saying we should be grateful for something about this? Because that would be like accidentally
colliding with a dog and then apologising to it. Dogs are thick and
apologising to them is therefore pointless and wouldn't mean
anything. Same thing here. Either you are confused, Miley, or you are
possessed by demons and speaking in tongues. Either way, I don't like
it. No good will ever come of worshiping space trash,
May I
remind you that God kills people who question his planet making
know-how and he'll take us all out as quick as look at us if this
carries on. I for one have no intention of being eaten alive by
locusts or having my eyes pecked out by crows just because people
like you and George Clooney refuse to shut up. The thought of it is
making me feel poorly again. You will ruin it for everyone. I
sometimes think that you and every other celebrity on the planet
won't be happy until we are all dead of leprosy and pestilence or condemned to live
in whales or sacrifice our first born for no good reason..
You make
me sick. Go to hell and get thee behind me Satan and Godspeed the
fucking Rapture.
Kind
Regards and thanks for listening.
Mr
Born Again Starr
