OPEN LETTER TO STUPID HUSBAND
Dear Idiot Husband
I am posting this to your Facebook page because
after last night, I still can't bring myself to speak to you and
because I know it will annoy you when I wash some dirty linen in
public.
First things first. During our discussions yesterday, I at no time made any definitive claims that loads of canals have been found on Planet Mars and I
certainly was not prompted to say this because I was PMT-ing, as you
seemed to imply during the course of the conversation. And no I haven't been watching too much Doctor Who and Star Trek. You are a really
stupid bastard if you think this.
What I was actually trying to tell your ignorant arse-hat for a brain was that one of those pointless probes NASA sends up from time to time (even though people are starving, no less) had a
camera in it and took photographs of things that looked like canals.
Canals are man made, so this proves that's Mars was our first home. But then some catastrophic event befell it about a billion years ago, which caused half of the entire planet to explode to or at the very least, it caught on fire. Why else would the surface be all red ,moron?!
Anyway, after this long-ago Mars holocaust, we all very likely decamped to our newly adoptive planet (AKA the Earth), and this, of course is where most of us live now (though not you). Alas, after arranging this move, we were killed off by a meteorite or an ice age
or both, only to be reborn after the dinosaurs copped for it. This temporary extinction is why we
might not remember being from another planet in the first place. You might want to ask David Icke about this. In the meantime, read it and weep and be shot down and pissed on.
May I also add that I denounce your claim
that there is any association between pre-menstrual cycles and what was being said about Mars yesterday evening. I do not claim to be an expert in these matters but if
there are canals on the Red Planet, then we humans must have built them.
They are not naturally occurring phenomenon, you crack-smoking turd
of Neanderthal, are they?. Ignoramus much?!! You are worse than a Manchester United fan.
This is a brilliant example of the black pot twatting the black kettle because
DIE.
Secondly, I do not appreciate you
telling your sneering brother about the canal conversation. What about that time that your brain dead bro said that
the intestinal tract of any given budgerigar was so long, it could
wrap one and a half times around the globe? If you want stupid, then
there's your stupid. Nothing more cretinous has ever been said in the
history of the planet!!!!!. Talk about the black pot twatting the black kettle.
So was it the male menopause that was making your brother believe all this bird shit stuff? Is this why he is confused as
to his facts about our feathered brethren?!!! Because you damn well
know how adamant he was about it. It allmost
came to blows, ffs and would have done, if the white trash hadn't
passed out from the glue fumes he'd been sniffing before he could swing his first punch. As a matter
of fact, (and you can deny this all you want), I seem to remember that you
backed him up on the avian anatomy thing at first, otherwise why
did you google it the next morning? It took internet research for you
to accept that budgies are rather smaller than your idiot sibling
originally hypothesized. People who live in glass houses and all that.
Your family are all the same. You have the
brains of hedgehog lice.
DIE TWICE
Your loving wife
September 2014
xxxxxxx
